


Being on Vacation

by reveetoile



Series: Creating a new family [4]
Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Children, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Gen, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-04-25 03:08:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14369601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reveetoile/pseuds/reveetoile
Summary: The first vacation of the newly formed family.





	1. Chapter 1

"I decided that we should go on a vacation," Nagase explained, and Satoshi perked up at those words. Kazu looked more confused than ever, but he nodded after a few moments. 

"Is vacation a good thing?" he asked curiously, and Satoshi giggled at his cute question. 

"The very best. It means we will go somewhere on holiday and have fun the whole day. Did you ever go with your family?" he asked before he could stop himself and a Kazu's eyes got clouded over and sad at the mention of his family.

"Daddy says it's a waste of money since I wouldn't remember anyway and it's expensive and not necessary," he mumbled, and Satoshi bit his lip before hugging the small boy close. 

"Sorry," he said. He went on vacations with his parents regularly, and he only had fond memories of them. He didn't want to make Kazu sad, though. Nagase smiled and tousled their hair lovingly.

"Don't worry. It's not a waste of money, and it will be fun. We can go to the beach, what do you think? Have you seen the ocean yet, Kazu?" he asked softly, and the boy shook his head.

"No, but I have seen pictures. It looks nice," Kazu answered with a shy smile, and Satoshi nodded in agreement. He loved the sea. He enjoyed building sandcastles as well as going for a swim. 

"I can teach you how to build the best sandcastles. You have to use wet sand to make it stable," Satoshi explained, and Kazu looked up hopefully. That sounded nice. He liked playing in the sand on the playgrounds they went to in the afternoon.

"Satoshi's school holidays will begin the week after the next. We will go then if both of you want."

"Yes, please," Kazu said with a happy smile and Ohno agreed as well. He looked forward to it. He loved holidays after all, and with Nagase they usually were fun. Now with his younger brother by his side, it will only be better. 

 

Just as Nagase had promised the two boys, he was able to secure them a one-week vacation at the beach in the northern part of Germany. He wasn't fond of flying, and he didn't want to try just yet how Kazu would take it. Satoshi had already flown a few times with his parents already but Kazu probably never tried it. 

Early in the morning, he packed a half sleeping Kazu in the back seat of his car while Satoshi was following behind them with Kazu's stuffed toys in his hands and a backpack filled with snacks and drinks as well as games if they were hungry or bored. He climbed up on his seat in the back, and Nagase checked once more that they had all of their luggage and were safely buckled in. In the car, he put on some music and started the car for the four-hour drive to the coast. 

Satoshi looked at Kazu who had fallen back to sleep completely once he was buckled in and giggled silently before leaning back to take a nap himself long car rides were so dull. 

Kazu woke around eight in the morning while they were still in the car. 

"Good morning sleepy-head," Nagase murmured when he heard the little whine coming from the boy and looked in the mirror at him for a moment. Kazu blinked sleepily and looked around confused.

"We are in the car?" he asked perplexed, and Nagase nodded. 

"Yes, don't you remember, little one? I woke you early this morning, and then we wore some comfortable clothes and went to the car, ne?"

"It was still dark then," Satoshi added. He had woken up as well, and Kazu smiled automatically when he heard his voice. 

"I fell asleep?"

"Yup, almost immediately after we were in the car," Satoshi answered with a little giggle. 

"Me is sorry?" Kazu mumbled sheepishly, but Nagase chuckled softly. 

"Satoshi was asleep as well until a few seconds ago. So don't worry. We will need to drive for two more hours at least until we are there. Do you need to go to the toilet, little one?"

Kazu frowned a little in thought but then nodded. "Yes, please," he responded, and Nagase agreed before concentrating again on the road to bring them to the next resting place so that Kazu could go to the toilet and eat something. They had all the time in the world, and in the last weeks, he had realised that Kazu could cope better with slow mornings even if that meant that he had to wake up earlier. Kazu got panicked easily if things got too hectic.

Satoshi ate the bread roll they got at the rest point, and Kazu nibbled on the bread Nagase prepared at home for him already. The boy leant against the man still slightly groggy after the long drive and Nagase held him firmly around the waist so that he wouldn't slip off. 

"Tomo? Will we sleep in the car?" he asked curiously, and Nagase shook his head a bit amused. 

"No, I got us a little holiday apartment. It is right next to the beach only a few minutes to walk until you are at the beach. It will be nice," Nagase promised, and Kazu looked up curiously. 

"Will we live there from now on?"

"No, only for the week we are on holiday. There are little houses and apartments built at the beach you can rent for the durance of your holiday to live. After us, another family will go there and enjoy their vacation and then the next and so on. We'll have two bedrooms, a little living room for you to play when the weather isn't good and a little kitchenette where we can cook and bake when we don't want to go out. You'll like it, I promise."

Kazu nodded in understanding and let that sink for a moment. He had problems picturing that, but he also felt a bit of excitement. 

“How long will we drive until we arrive, dad?” Satoshi asked.

“Two more hours, I think. If the traffic stays like that.”

“Cool. Kazu we’ll build a sandcastle as soon as we arrive there,” Satoshi promised, and Kazu perked up at those words. 

“Will Tomo help?” he asked hopefully, and Nagase smiled as he ruffled his hair. 

“Of course. But to do that how about we finish our breakfast and get back in the car?”

“Yes!” Kazu cried out loud and clapped his hands before he finished his sandwich and apple slices as well as his chocolate milk as fast as he could. Nagase and Satoshi chuckled a little. They finished their meal as well, and Nagase helped Kazu back into the car so that they could leave.

 

Kazu fell asleep again in the car just a few minutes later, and Nagase laughed slightly. He was glad that Kazu got some sleep, though. Being in the car for so long tended to make him feel sick. So this was good.

“Dad, can you put in the new music CD we bought yesterday?” Satoshi asked, and Nagase did as Satoshi asked. As soon as the first melodies filled the car, Satoshi sang quietly along. He was careful not to wake up Kazu so he sang along the songs almost mutely and looked out of the window until Nagase left the highway and soon he could see the first dunes and the ocean. Happily, he poked Kazu in the soft cheek until the small boy blinked sleepily at him. 

“Toshi?” he asked drowsily, and Satoshi giggled. Kazu was so cute!

“Good morning sleepy-head. We are there!” he said pointing outside. “Look, it’s the ocean, Kazu." Kazu's gaze followed the pointed finger outside. He needed a bit more time until he finally saw the water and laughed happily. 

“So much water,” he whispered in awe. Nagase drove them to their vacation house and helped the children out of the car. 

“Do you want to check out the apartment or do you want to go to the beach directly?” Nagase asked, and Kazu took hold of his hand as he jumped up and down excitedly. 

“Yes, please. I want to build that sandcastle with you and Toshi. You promised,” Kazu begged, and Nagase nodded. 

“Of course. Let me get the basket with our drinks and snacks first, though.” Instead of letting go Kazu followed Nagase to the back of the car and held on his shirt while Nagase sorted out the things in the rear. He put a cap on Kazu’s head who blinked up at him curiously, and Nagase tipped his nose softly. 

“It will protect you from a heat stroke and too much sun. So keep it on, ne? Satoshi has a hat as well,” he explained when Satoshi put his on a bit begrudgingly. With the basket in one hand and Kazu on the other, they went to the beach. Satoshi was running in front of them to find a free space big enough to put a blanket on the ground while Kazu grabbed his hand more tightly the closer they came to the sea. Nagase carefully pried Kazu from his side to put the sheet on the ground and the basket beside of it before he sat down and motioned for Kazu to come over. 

“What’s wrong, little one?” he asked and hugged the boy close to him. “You got all shy once we stepped out of the car.”

“Scary. The sound is scary,” Kazu mumbled, and Nagase chuckled softly. 

“You mean the waves, ne? They are a bit loud, huh?” Kazu nodded and looked at the big water in front of them. It was much bigger than he had thought and the big waves looked scary. “It’s nothing to be scared of. It’s a bit loud yes but close your eyes and just listen to the sounds for a moment. It’s the waves coming in and out in a regular rhythm, ne? Now breathe deeply. Can you taste the salt and smell the sea? It’s relaxing, right?”

Slowly Kazu relaxed in his embrace and opened his eyes again. “Do you feel better?” 

“Yes, sorry,” Kazu said a bit sheepishly, and Nagase shook his head. 

“It’s alright. But you don’t have to worry. Nothing will happen and neither you nor Satoshi are allowed to go too close to the water alone anyway. You can’t swim yet, Kazu, so no going into the water without me.”

“Okay!” Kazu left his lap finally and went over to Satoshi who was getting out their toys of his backpack so they could play in the sand. Kazu took his favourite shovel and bucket from the pile and went to sit into the sand a few feet away from their resting place. He began piling the sand into the bucket, fully immersed in his task. Nagase laughed at that and ruffled Satoshi’s hair playfully before putting his hat back on. 

“Keep it on, kid,” he scolded, and Satoshi nodded even if he was pouting. He didn’t like wearing a hat, but he wanted to be a good role model for Kazu, so he didn't complain, much to Nagase’s amusement.

They stayed at the beach for an hour more while Kazu and Satoshi build the sandcastle together with the help of Nagase. It was relaxing and just as Nagase had hoped both children seemed to forget the stress of the last few days. They ate lunch on the blanket, and when it was late in the afternoon, Nagase began to collect their things. 

It was getting late, and he still needed to prepare their apartment for them to be able to sleep. Nagase was sure that Kazu would fall asleep early today and he hoped to get dinner into the boys before that.

“Kazu, Satoshi, come we should head to the house,” he called when everything was ready. He picked Kazu up when they reached him. “Pizza for dinner?” he asked the boys and grinned agreeing immediately and went with them to the apartment. There Nagase called a delivery service as soon as they arrived. Satoshi tugged Kazu along with him through the rooms while Nagase brought their stuff inside. 

“Dad? May Kazu and I share one bedroom?” Satoshi asked suddenly, and Nagase watched them surprised. 

“If there is enough space for the two of you?” he asked even if he was sure there was, and Satoshi nodded. 

“Yep!” Nagase smiled and ruffled Satoshi’s hair.

“Then let’s prepare the beds,” he agreed readily and followed Satoshi's tugging hands. He grinned when he saw that Kazu was already pulling the extra bedding to the smaller bedroom and then helped them to prepare the bed and the extra mattress from the main bedroom. Just as they had finished and Kazu had put his teddy bears on his side the doorbell rang. 

“The pizzas are here. You should go wash your hands and then come to the kitchen,” he instructed, and both agreed before running off. 

Dinner was a silent affair and just as Nagase had thought Kazu was already nodding off in the middle of the meal. Initially, he had planned for the boys to have a bath after this, but Nagase realised that wouldn’t be possible. So before the boy could fall off the chair, he got up to take him into his arms. 

“Take your time, ne Satoshi?” he asked the boy who nodded while eating his pizza and picking the extra pineapple off of Kazu’s with a grin. 

“Okay dad!” he replied, and Kazu put out his hands as he realised that he was brought to bed. Satoshi giggled at the cute antics and got up when Nagase angled Kazu in his arms so that he would be able to put a kiss on Kazu's cheek. 

“Good night, Kazu,” he said softly and ruffled the smaller boy’s hair. Kazu smiled happily at that.

“Nighty night,” he agreed and then snuggled against Nagase once more to be brought to the bathroom and be cleaned by the man before wearing only his shorts and a big shirt to be put in bed. Nagase kissed his forehead after being tugged down demandingly by the small boy. 

“Sweet dreams, little one,” he wished and chuckled when he could hear the soft snores coming from him even before he left the room entirely.


	2. Chapter 2

Nagase was the first to be awake the next morning. He listened to the quiet apartment and smiled when all he could hear were the waves from outside. He had hoped that Kazunari was able to sleep through without waking up because of nightmares and he was delighted that it came true.

Just when he wanted to get up to prepare for the day, he heard a door opening and the whispering voices of the children. 

“Shh,” Satoshi said and got a small giggle as an answer. 

“Tomo still sleeping?” Kazu asked with an excited voice and curious as he was Nagase closed his eyes to feign sleep when he heard them coming closer. The door opened, and there was again that tiny giggle of Kazu who hid his laugh behind his hands to keep as quiet as possible. 

“Yep, he is still asleep. Come before he wakes up,” Satoshi whispered and shortly after the door was closed again and the boys ran along the floor to another room. 

\--

Satoshi opened the door to the kitchen, and they entered the room before closing it carefully again. Kazu followed closely and almost ran into him when Satoshi stopped to listen if they were still the only ones awake. 

“What will we do here?” Kazu asked curiously. Satoshi had only told him that they could make a surprise for Tomo and he was all up to it. Tomo was always so kind to him and to Satoshi as well. So, of course, he wanted to do something for Tomo as well.

“We will make breakfast for all of us,” Satoshi explained and opened the fridge. Nino observed him and frowned a bit worriedly. 

“I’m not allowed to use knives or the oven without Tomo,” he mumbled almost inaudible when Satoshi took out eggs, vegetables and a few fruits from the basket to carry to the table.

“It’s okay. I will fry the eggs and cut the things we need to cut,” Satoshi said thoughtfully and grinned when Kazu looked at him with a pout. It sounded as if he couldn’t do anything then! That was unfair.

“Me wanna help!” Kazu whined and stomped his foot on the floor at that and Satoshi ruffled his hair lovingly. 

“Don’t worry. Let's see what will be your job. You look for three small bowls, small plates, forks, knives and spoons. Then we need a big bowl for the fruits to put in and two big plates as well,” Satoshi added and Kazu nodded as he hopped happily to the first cupboard to look for the things. Satoshi took out the yoghurt and other ingredients he still needed for breakfast for them.

He watched as Kazu brought everything he told him to the table one after the other and then helped him into the high chair so that Kazu could reach the table top easier. 

“Now put the eggs in this bowl,” he said and helped Kazu with cracking the eggs against the bowl and then mixing it with some spices. Satoshi sat down beside him to carefully cut the fruits and vegetables while Kazu was occupied. Then he put the pieces in front of Kazu. The smaller boy gave him the bowl with the eggs and Satoshi carried it to the oven before looking back at Kazu who was nibbling on a piece of melon.

“Hungry, Kazu?” Satoshi asked, and Kazu nodded with a slight pout. He was getting hungry. “We are almost finished, ne? You can mix the fruits in the big bowl with a bit of honey and the nuts, okay? I will make the scrambled eggs, and then we will set the table and wake up Dad.”

“Okay, Toshi!” Kazu grinned and pulled the bowl a bit closer to himself to put the fruits in it carefully. With the big spoon, he mixed them and put honey and the nuts inside to stir it thoroughly. He licked his lips and smiled brightly. It looked like the fruit salad Tomo sometimes made for them when it was the weekend. When he was finished, he carefully laid out the cut vegetables on the big plate while Ohno placed the scrambled eggs on another and put it on the table. Kazu climbed with Satoshi’s help off the chair when all was ready. 

“Dad has to make his coffee or tea,” Satoshi decided when they put milk and juice on the table, and Kazu nodded in agreement. Satoshi knew he was allowed to use the oven if he was careful and only made such small tasks because Nagase taught him how. But a kettle filled with hot water was scary and still too heavy to be easily carried, Satoshi thought with a slight grimace.

Kazu tugged at his hand, and Satoshi looked down questioningly. “Can we wake Tomo? Me is very hungry now,” he said slightly miserable and rubbed his growling stomach. Satoshi giggled and nodded. 

“Of course. Fast before the eggs are cold,” he agreed and chased a laughing Kazu to the bedroom Nagase occupied right now. He giggled when Kazu had to stand on his tiptoes to be able to open the door just to stumble into the room on unsteady feet. Kazu climbed on the bed to be close to Nagase. Satoshi held back and watched as Kazu went closer to Nagase to wake him up. He could see that Nagase had been awake for probably a while already and didn’t know if he should be offended or not. But he could see that Kazu was still brimming with pride because they made the breakfast for Nagase without the man waking up or helping them.

Kazu’s hand wandered over Nagase’s shoulder and face to wake him. “Tomo wakey wakey. The sun is shining,” he sang in the tone that Satoshi recognised as the one that Nagase always used to wake them. It helped immensely to calm them down when they had a bad dream. 

Kazu shrieked surprised when arms surrounded him, and he was hugged tightly by Nagase. He laughed and cuddled up to the man as Nagase sat up. Satoshi came closer and grinned when his dad ruffled his hair. “Good morning sons. How did you sleep?” he asked. 

“I slept well! Toshi and me made breakfast, and me is hungry. Can we eat?” Kazu asked hopefully making Nagase laugh as his stomach made a noise at those words. 

“Breakfast sounds good. Let’s have a look,” he added and put Kazu down again to climb out of bed. As soon as Kazu's feet hit the ground, he was off running to the kitchen. Nagase hugged Satoshi, and the boy looked up with a pout. 

“You knew what we did,” he mumbled, and Nagase smirked. 

“Yep. But I’m happy nonetheless. Thank you for preparing breakfast for me,” Nagase said, and Satoshi's cheek reddened a bit. He was not so sure if it was good as he knew that his fruits and vegetables looked uneven and the eggs might be cold by now. They entered the kitchen where Kazu was waiting for them, and Nagase looked over the table. 

“Wow, it looks perfect. Thank you,” Nagase said and hugged the boys. Satoshi blushed a bit more because Nagase sounded like he meant his words and that, of course, made him happy. 

“We didn’t prepare tea or coffee, though,” Satoshi apologised. It wasn’t perfect because of that, he thought. But Nagase continued to smile and lifted Kazu into his chair. 

“Juice and chocolate milk are good as well. But I’ll make us some tea, okay?” he said, and Satoshi nodded with a smile. He liked tea in the mornings. Satoshi sat on his chair and helped Kazu with the milk. Nagase served them the food and when everybody had something to eat the tea was ready as well. Satoshi watched as Nagase put cold water into his cup so that it was drinkable as soon as Nagase put it in front of him. 

“Thanks, Dad,” he said. 

“Let’s eat.”

Kazu watched them silently until everybody was seated and looked at him expectantly. He smiled happily and put out his hands. Satoshi giggled a little as he did the same. When Kazu entered kindergarten, he had been fascinated by the little ritual they did every time before a meal, and he had asked to do it at home as well. As Kazu had looked so happy and hopeful, they obviously had agreed readily. 

They all took each other hands, and Kazu waved them up and down in time with the words. “Cheep, cheep, cheep, we like us each. Cheep, cheep, cheep, bon appetit.” Kazu grinned happily when they let go and began to eat. He was really hungry now! 

“It’s delicious. Both of you did great,” Nagase said and both children grinned proudly at those words. It was a beautiful first morning Nagase decided. It only could get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In Germany, most kindergartens have a little saying they say before each meal. It is to show that they are now there to eat and playtime is put on a stop for the time being. They all say it usually together while holding hands or doing something else that fits the rhyme they say. I thought it might be something that Nino likes to do


	3. Chapter 3

“Will we go to the beach today?” Satoshi asked when Nagase put the last of the dishes away. He had placed the leftovers in containers already and was now looking at two very eager children. He smiled amusedly and ruffled Kazu’s hair lovingly. 

He couldn’t help himself. But seeing his smallest addition to his family so eager and rosy-cheeked made his heart sing. He had never thought that he would be able to make him look like that again. It seemed to be almost unfair that he would be able to manage it twice. It was a miracle for him that both boys who had lost their mothers in such a tragic way lived mostly happy now. 

“Of course, we went here exactly for that. But we have to pack a few things first. You two need to change into other clothes; we should pack something to eat and drink…”

“Toys!” Kazu cried in between making Nagase laugh out loud. 

“Of course. You need to collect your toys for the sand. If I remember correctly you wanted to build a big sandcastle, right? A ball and Frisbee would be good as well. Off you go then,” he said when both nodded. He watched after them as they ran off laughing loudly.

Nagase spent the next few minutes with collecting the prepared food, water and juice to put in a carrier with ice packs so that it would stay cold before getting the big blanket from outside, hats, sun cream and sunglasses for the children. 

He frowned when he realised how many things they already would carry with them and swiftly decided against bringing the umbrella or other things to protect them from the sun. Yesterday he had seen that they could rent beach chairs. One of them would be big enough for the three of them, and it would spend enough shade for the time being. 

He went to his room to change into more suited clothes for a day outside before helping Kazu in changing, putting on the suncream and putting everything he wanted to take with them in his little backpack. After all, was settled they left the house.

Kazu grabbed Satoshi’s hand securely as they left their small garden and the two children ran in front of him into the direction of the beach that they could already see. Nagase breathed in deeply. He loved the fresh smell of the sea. He watched the boys who stayed on the sidewalk even if there were almost no cars out yet and even waited on the side of the road for him. 

“I’m not allowed to cross the street without an adult,” Kazu explained to Satoshi who just nodded and looked back at Nagase. Nagase grinned and bopped Kazu on the nose tip before they crossed the street.

“Look for a nice place a bit closer to the water than yesterday, okay?” he asked them as the looked around. Yesterday the beach had already been fuller when they arrived, so they had to stay in the back. 

“Okay, Dad!”

Satoshi tugged at Kazu’s hand who still was a bit anxious about the water. He watched Satoshi silently who was excited and Nagase who was as calm as ever and decided that it probably was okay and nothing to be scared off. 

“I like it here,” Satoshi said after a while and pointed at the sand. Kazu looked around carefully and watched the slight waves that were rolling onto the sand a bit further away. 

“A nice place,” Nagase decided and put down the basket. “I think I need a bit of help for the blanket.”

Kazu was ready before Nagase even finished his sentence and stretched out his hands for it. He liked helping very much as Nagase knew. 

Together they put the blanket on the sand. Kazu put off his shoes to crawl onto the sheet. He put his little dog in the middle and patted its head. “You have to wait here and protect the blanket,” he ordered his dog and Satoshi hid a giggle behind his hands. Kazu was so cute!

Not long after Kazu crawled off the blanket again and he patted the warm sand under his hands. The sand felt funny under his hand and feet as he let it run over the bare skin. 

“Can we keep the shoes off?” he asked with big eyes. 

“Of course, little one. But the hat stands on your head,” he warns, and Kazu nodded in agreement. He didn’t understand why but it was okay for him. 

Nagase sat down on the blanket when Satoshi pulled off his shoes as well to sit beside Kazu on the warm sand to play with it. They pulled their toys over and were busy playing and building small castles as Nagase laid back to close his eyes for a bit more. When the water would be a little bit warmer, he wanted to take them there and lend that beach chair before the sun would be up too high. But for now, it was nice as it was.

 

He felt a little weight on his stomach after around an hour and grinned amusedly when Kazu shook him a little. “Tomo asleep?” he asked with a curious voice. 

“No, just relaxing little one. Why? Do you want to nap?” he asked and opened his eyes when Kazu laid down beside him, his head on his breast. He softly caressed his head and played with the soft strands of his hair as the hat had moved a little. 

Kazu hummed enjoying the caress. They stayed like that for a moment before Nagase pressed a kiss to his temple and sat up with him on his arms. 

“How about a drink?” he asked. 

“Juice, please,” Kazu agreed still cuddling up to Nagase and not caring that he made it a bit harder for Nagase to stand up and opening the basket to get the drinks for them. He looked for Satoshi who was still immersed in his sand sculpture and put a finger to his lips for Kazu to stay silent. 

Kazu watched him curiously and laughed happily when Nagase put the cold bottle against the neck of Satoshi who shrieked loudly at the cold sensation. 

“Drink something, Satoshi,” Nagase asked with a grin as he settled down so that Kazu could drink his juice. 

“That was mean, dad.” Satoshi sat down beside them and tickled the sole of Kazu’s feet who giggled and tried to move away but wasn’t able because he was still cuddled up to Nagase. Luckily Satoshi stopped when he realised how thirsty he was and leant against his father to relax. 

“Finished,” Kazu explained and lifted his bottle so that Nagase could it put away. Satoshi put his back to the basket and fetched the sun cream because the sun had gone up a bit more and he remembered vividly how painful sunburns could be. Something he didn’t want Kazu to experience. 

“Thanks, Satoshi.”

 

Kazu held still as Nagase applied new cream to him and Satoshi and pulled off the shirt from both of them.

“Do you want to practise your swimming skills, Satoshi?” Nagase asked and lifted Kazu on his arms. The small boy put his arms around his neck and laid his head on his shoulder comfortably.

“Yep,” Satoshi agreed readily and jumped up to run to the water. He slowed down when he was almost there and went inside slower. 

A little shudder ran through his body. The water was not cold, but after all the sun it was still a shock. He felt Tomoya’s hand on his shoulder as he took one step after the other and grinned when his body got used to it. 

Kazu had gone silent, and his grip got a bit tighter around Tomoya who held him safely and let a hand run up and down his back to calm him down. 

Kazu was nervous already when he had to take a bath alone (which was seldom since Satoshi liked playing with his little brother in the tub) so it wasn’t that big of a surprise. He didn’t know what had happened, but he was almost sure that it wasn’t something good.

He watched after Satoshi carefully who let himself fall into the water after a small moment and took the first swim strokes. Tomoya wasn’t too worried since Satoshi learnt swimming already before he met the boy. And it wasn’t their first time here. Still, he wanted to have him close y to make sure that there weren’t any hidden currents that would take him under. 

“Do you want to get into the water, Kazu?” Tomoya asked after Kazu relaxed his grip a little while he watched Satoshi swimming so comfortably in it. But he wasn’t so sure. So he hid his face and shook his head. 

“I can’t swim!” he said, and Tomoya laughed a little. 

“Of course not here, little one. Closer to the shore where you can stand and even sit without getting under the water. I will hold you the whole time, okay?”

Kazu was still a little bit squeamish at those words, but in the end, he nodded. “Okay,” he whispered, and Tomoya kissed his head softly. 

“Satoshi not so far,” he reprimanded the older again and then stepped back closer to the shore. He still had an eye on the boy as he carefully held Kazu a bit differently in his arms, so that he could sit down without letting the boy fall. 

Kazu shrieked surprised when the cold water surrounded the lower part of his body, and he grabbed Tomoya’s arm before he could let him go. Satoshi had looked up at the shout and came close again to sit across from the others.

He stretched out his hands to the small boy to take one of his hands and smiled. “Are you scared Kazu?” he asked worriedly, and Kazu nodded with small tears in his eyes. 

“It’s cold and feels funny,” he mumbled but let go of Nagase’s arms, when he realised he really could sit on the other's lap without the water getting over his head. 

“It’s not that cold. Only because you are warm from the sun,” Nagase explained and softly stroked the wet cheeks with a thumb. “Nothing to be scared of.”

They sat in the water for a while, and Satoshi played with the hand in his own. Kazu looked at their hands and slowly relaxed in Nagase’s embrace. The waves surrounded them with their coming and going and never reached higher than Kazu’s belly button. He still thought it felt funny whenever the waves touched his skin, but he was no longer scared of them. 

Satoshi realised this and softly tugged at his hand. “Stand up,” he asked him and stood himself. Kazu wobbled a little but did as he told even if he didn’t let go Nagase’s other hand. He was still a bit nervous. He looked up at Nagase who smiled and stood as well.

“Let’s get ice cream at the parlour over there,” Nagase offered and led them along the shore so that Kazu could get used to the water lapping at his legs. And luckily it didn’t take long for Satoshi to convince his smaller brother to let go of Nagase’s hand and walk a bit in front of him a bit deeper in the water and back in time with the waves. Tomoya rolled his eyes amusedly but let them be as he ordered three ice cream watching them as they played in the water while waiting. He was glad that Kazu felt more comfortable in it now to sit beside Satoshi and laughing whenever a wave run over him. 

“Thank you,” he said to the seller and called both of them back. Tomoya lifted Kazu back into his arms when the small boy almost fell over while he was trying to eat his ice cream and walking on the soft sand at the same time. Back at their blanket he dried Kazu and applied new sun cream before putting a shirt over his body again to keep his skin safe from the sun for a bit. A small snack and something to drink left Kazu cuddling up to Tomoya once more this time clearly tired. 

Tomoya carefully sat with Kazu at his side in the beach chair he lent earlier and put the screen up so that he was in the shadow. Satoshi took something to read out of the basket and sat beside them as well cuddling at Kazu’s other side. Tomoya smiled amusedly when shortly after Kazu Satoshi fell asleep as well.


	4. Chapter 4

When Kazu woke up, he forced Satoshi to build a real sand castle with him. One just like he had seen the other - mostly older - children had made while he had napped. 

“I want a big one,” he explained and stretched his arms as far as he could. “And I want to decorate it with mussels and sticks and leaves.” He looked around thoughtfully for anything else to add to that list but came up empty-handed. 

“Okay. Then we need water to make the sand wet. Wet sand will hold better,” Satoshi explained, and Kazu nodded in understanding. He overthrew the small bucket he had and was about to run to the water when Nagase caught him quickly in his arms.

“No going to the water without me,” he explained at the confusion written over Kazu’s face.

“Me is sorry,” Kazu whispered, and Nagase forced him to look up softly. 

“It’s okay. You were overexcited. Just try to remember the next time, okay?” Nagase asked, and Kazu nodded.

“I’m sorry as well,” Satoshi said. He knew it was his fault for not getting the water himself but giving Kazu the idea that he had to fetch it. That hadn’t been what he wanted. Nagase smiled and ruffled his hair softly as Ohno had pulled off the hat again. 

“It’s fine. We will get the water, and you will have to plan for the enormous castle that Kazu asked you for, alright?”

Satoshi giggled and saluted with a nod at those words. Kazu was also laughing as Nagase was swinging him around as they went to the water line to fill the bucket carefully.

When they were back, Nagase put it down beside the children and relaxed back in the beach chair. He would help if needed or asked to but for now, he was content to watch the boys and let them have their fun.

“First we need lots of sand to make a mountain. We can form everything then,” Satoshi constructed, and Kazu did as he was told. He was very excited about it all and tried to copy Satoshi as well as he could.

Satoshi was as patient as possible as he explained to Kazu where to put the sand and how to make the different tower of the castle. It took them more than an hour in the end for Kazu to be pleased with everything they did and with the greatness of their castle.

Nagase observed the castle that probably was more like a small city with big walls surrounding the castle in the middle. He was almost sure that Kazu would be able to lie down in it and not touch any of the walls (the castle itself would of course crumble).

“Wow that looks fantastic,” Nagase said and smiled when Kazu seemed to grow a little with how proud he was because of that compliment. 

“We aren’t finished yet. We still need to decorate it,” Satoshi reminded Kazu as to what he had wished for earlier and Kazu nodded excitedly. 

“Tomo? Can we use the things we collected?” he asked, and the man agreed readily. They could collect new findings in the next few days for them to take home if the boys wanted they didn’t need to keep these. 

“Of course. I put them in the basket we brought with us,” he explained and pointed to the direction. It didn’t take long before the boys were looking into it and Kazu chose the prettiest findings to decorate the castle carefully.

“Now a moat!” Satoshi said happily, and Nino looked up confused. 

“What’s that?”

“We have to dig a well around the castle to protect it from enemies,” Satoshi explained and reached for their shovels. “Not too deep though,” he added in an afterthought. Just a small one would probably be enough. But it would add to the output.

Kazu nodded in understanding and dug around the castle walls as Satoshi did. When they met in the middle, he grinned and clapped his hands.

“Finished!” he shouted loudly and tugged at Nagase’s arm for him to have a closer look at everything they did, and after a few minutes of appreciation, Nagase bobbed Kazu’s nose.

“I’ll take a picture of you with your artwork,” he said, and Satoshi carefully tugged Kazu around the castle so that Nagase was able to take a picture of everything. Kazu grinned as brightly as he could. This was precisely what he had wished for when he saw the things the others had built. And he thought their castle was even better than all the others he had seen so far.


	5. Chapter 5

“What are you doing?” Kazu asked and climbed on the chair at the table to be able to have a better look at what Nagase was doing. His eyes brighten up when he saw the vegetables on the table, and a small hand quickly wandered over the table to fetch a piece of courgette. He sat down as he nibbled on it and looked at Nagase who was watching him amused. 

“You remember the children you played soccer with?” Kazu nodded and finished the courgette he looked over the table and stole a piece of carrot this time. “Are you hungry?”

Kazu shook his head and grinned up at him. He just loved stealing snacks. “Me wants just eat snacks,” he replied with a cheeky smile, and Nagase laughed softly. He put a small bowl with different kinds of fruits and vegetables in front of him and then continued cutting his vegetables and putting them on a skewer. 

“What about the others?” Kazu remembered the children and tilted his head to the side. “Will we play again?”

“Probably. We talked about a play date for tomorrow if the weather is still holding up.”

“Yay!” Kazu clapped his hands with a giggle. The others had been nice, and playing ball with more than just Satoshi was fun as well. 

“And tonight I asked their parents if they would like to come over to have a barbecue together. That’s what I’m preparing now.”

Kazu blinked confused and nibbled on his carrot deep in thought. Nagase put the finished skewers to the side and prepared the meat. He watched Kazu silently and waited for the questions the smaller boy had. It was easy to forget how many things Kazu didn’t know because of the life he had to live through before. 

“Is barbecue like cooking?”

“A bit. There is a grill outside in the garden. I will show you later. We will make a fire, and then we will put the skewers and meat on a cooking grate and cook everything. It’s fun you will see.”

“But fire is dangerous,” Kazu whispered in a small voice, and Nagase winced a bit at those words. He put the things to the side and cleaned his hands on a towel before picking Kazu up and sitting down on the chair. He carefully swayed him in his arms and caressed his back. 

“Open fire is really dangerous, yes. But there aren’t any flames. It’s safe, so you don’t have to be scared. And the same as with the oven you are not allowed near it.” He kissed his forehead and smiled encouragingly. “We will be very careful so that nobody is getting hurt.” 

Kazu looked up at him and cuddled close to the other. “Okay,” he mumbled in understanding and Nagase hugged him tightly for a moment before looking at the clock. 

“How about I put these away and then we’ll go read a book for a bit. Where is Satoshi?”

“Toshi is drawing. I didn’t want to draw,” Kazu scrunched up his nose but giggled when Nagase began tickling him. 

“Reading sounds good though?”

“Yup, may I choose the story?”

“Of course. How you run and bring the book and I will put these away, and we can sit outside?” Kazu nodded more excited now and put a grape into his mouth before jumping from Nagase’s lap to run to the room he stayed in with Satoshi, for now, to take one of his favourite storybook and doggie to go outside with Nagase. He looked around curiously since they hadn’t been in the garden yet. 

The beach was so close, and in the evening they usually were so tired that they didn’t go outside. Kazu found the big lounge chairs easily and watched curiously as Nagase put comfy looking cushions on them. Kazu went over and put his doggie on the chair before giggling when Nagase lifted him up so that they could sit on the chair together.

“Which story do you want to read?” Nagase asked when Kazu almost pushed the book into his face. 

“The one where the princess gets lost and the prince rescues her.”

“Of course, are you comfy?”

“Yep,” Kazu snuggled a bit closer and tugged doggie with him as well so that he could look at the pictures as Nagase read to him in a low voice.

—

After the story, Kazu stayed on the lounge chair to play with his stuffed toy as Nagase went around to put everything for their guests. Satoshi had come out as well when he had realised that they were all outside and knelt in front of the lounge chairs to continue with his drawings and sang the children songs back and forth with the younger boy to keep him occupied. 

“Kazu do you want to look how I prepare the grill?” Nagase asked carefully. He wanted to make the boy comfortable with the thought of the barbecue so that he could enjoy it as well. 

Kazu looked up in thought and hugged his toy close to his chest. Nagase waited patiently, and at the small nod of the boy he picked him up. “Doggie is curious,” he decided, and Nagase nodded. 

“Then hold him close ne? We have to be careful that nothing will happen to him. I will do the same with you,” he promised and brought Kazu over. He already prepared everything and took a long lighter to light up the charcoal. Kazu pressed himself close to him and rested his head at Nagase’s shoulder. He looked carefully at what the other was doing but relaxed when he saw that there were only small flames and that they were at a safe distance. 

“See. We are completely safe here,” Nagase mumbled and swayed him a bit in his arms. 

“Yes. But can we go back?” Kazu still asked, and Nagase agreed readily. Of course, they could. He sat down with him again, and they watched Satoshi a bit. 

“Toshi play with me?” Kazu asked after a moment, and the older boy looked up. He looked at his drawing and then at Kazu before nodding. He has mostly finished anyway and put them to the side before getting up and waited for Kazu to get up. 

“Let’s try those big building blocks,” Satoshi said and tugged Kazu with him further into the garden to play. When the others came, they smoothly continued their game while Nagase talked with the other adults. Their dinner was delicious, Kazu decided that having a barbecue really was fun, but after their meal, he cuddled up close to Nagase feeling sleepy once more while Satoshi continued to play with the other kids who were still all wired up. 

“Do you want to go to sleep?” Nagase asked, but Kazu shook his head stubbornly. Everybody was still up, and here so he wanted to stay here as well. 

“I want to stay with Tomo?” he asked, and the older rolled his eyes. But put a blanket over the small body and let him lie on his lap as he continued his talk. He had already decided that it was okay if Kazu wanted to stay here with them.


	6. Chapter 6

“Rain, rain go away,” Kazu sang as he sat in front of the large glass door that would lead them out to the garden of their holiday home. He blew his breath through his nose when he realised that the rain didn’t stop. He felt slightly betrayed because of that. It was raining since early in the morning, and he was bored. They didn’t have as many games here as they had at home and he was fed up with drawing besides Satoshi. Nagase was making them lunch, and so he was on his own. 

“Kazu what are you saying?” Nagase asked loudly when he began his little song again and he stuck out his tongue to the window as he jumped to his feet and ran to the kitchen and to the older man. 

“Tomo I want the rain to stop!” he explained when he entered the room and went beside the other. He held onto Nagase’s jeans as he stood on his tiptoes to get a look at what Nagase was doing. Nagase put the ladle down he had in his hands and put the lid on the pan before scooping the small boy up on one arm. 

“We can’t do anything to make the rain stop, Kazu,” he said, and Kazu put his arms around Nagase’s neck to look into the pan. His eyes lighted up when he saw the hamburgers sizzling in it. He loved hamburgers! “But we can go out to a walk in the rain,” Nagase offered. 

“But then we get wet,” Kazu mumbled with a frown making Nagase laugh.

“Yes, but we have raincoats, umbrellas and wellingtons.” 

“But we might get muddy.”

“That’s what water is for, Kazu,” Nagase reminded him gently and carried him over to the cupboards to get plates and glasses. “Hold on tight, little one.” With a giggle, Kazu tightened his hold around Nagase’s neck and put his legs around him as well so that he won’t slide down when Nagase loosened his grip to carry everything to the table. 

“Little monkey,” Nagase teased softly laughing when Kazu made monkey sounds before hiding his face with cute giggles on Nagase’s shoulder. 

“So we are going out?” he asked finally, and Nagase nodded. 

“Afer lunch. We’ll ask Satoshi if he wants to come with us, ne? I don’t know if he wants to stay in though.” As Satoshi had been able to draw most of the day already, he often was so immersed in it that he didn’t want to stop for such things as a walk if he still wasn’t satisfied with it.

“Is lunch finished?” Kazu asked, and Nagase carried him over to the stove to let him look into the pots and pans. 

“Let’s see. Rice is finished, the meat looks good as well.” Nagase put a piece of the vegetables so Kazu could try if they were ready and afterwards let him try the mushroom sauce.”

“Yummy?” he asked smiling when Kazu licked his lips and nodded happily. Nagase put him down and grinned. “Then go get Satoshi, and I will fry us eggs to go with it.” Nagase waited until Kazu stormed out of the kitchen to finish their lunches and put everything on the plates so that it could cool down a bit. 

—

Satoshi had wanted to stay at home playing with his model cars, and so it was only Nagase and Kazu who were getting ready to go out. Which mostly meant that Nagase was helping Kazu to wear his blue wellingtons, his yellow raincoat and looked for the small green umbrella with cute frosh ears for the boy. Once ready Nagase took a big dark umbrella for himself, and with a loud laugh, Nino jumped into the first puddle that had appeared right in front of their doorstep. Nagase rolled his eyes in amusement but followed Kazu as he ran from one to puddle to the next to either try to jump over them or in the middle of them. 

Nagase smiled and was careful not to get soaked entirely because of that. It was funny how fast Kazu forgot about his small fear that there could be problems if he got all muddy and wet. But that was good, Nagase thought. He wanted the bo to have fun without fearing any reprimands or punishments because something would break or get dirty. 

“Tomo, look, look!” Kazu yelled a few times excitingly, and Nagase fastened his pace to be beside the squatting boy just a few seconds later. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, but Kazu pointed down looking up happily. 

“A frog!” he yelled in excitement and Nagase put a hand to the small of Kazu’s back before he fell onto his behind. A curious little finger peaked out from under the sleeve of the raincoat to poke at the tiny frog. Kazu giggled when the frog croaked and jumped away from the curious probing. 

“Gero gero,” Kazu mimicked and jumped a little up and down. Nagase laughed and stood up again. 

“Having fun little one?” he asked, and Kazu nodded with a bright smile. 

“Walking in the rain is fun,” he decided and stood to follow Nagase a few steps unto the beach. His eyes went wide when he saw the bigger waves and held onto Nagase’s hand. 

“It looks scary,” Kazu mumbled, and Nagase hummed a little. 

“A bit ne? But I like how it looks.” Kazu looked up and then out at sea once more. He didn’t really know what Nagase liked about it, but he also didn’t understand what Satoshi liked his model cars. So it was probably kind of different what people liked or not. “Want to continue?” Nagase asked and looked at his watch, before showing him the way they should head. It probably was time to go back home as well. 

—

Kazu stepped inside to house in front of Nagase and laughed when his feet squished inside his shoes. He was totally soaked through. He jumped up and down a moment and waited until Nagase closed the door. 

“A bath would be good I think,” the man observed and helped Kazu out of the raincoat and put the umbrella aside. Nino let himself fall on his behind and tried to take off his shoes which were kind of hard with how wet they were and his socks as well. Nagase grinned and squatted in front of him to help him before taking him into his arms and standing up. 

“Are you cold, yet?” he asked, but Kazu shook his head in answer. He was just wet not yet cold since outside it had been still warm. In the house, it was a bit colder than outside. Nagase brought him to the bathroom to draw him a warm bath an put a boat in it as well as a duck. He watched Kazu who was changing out of his clothes with a bit of problem and then lifted him inside. After he was sure that Kazu was sitting safely inside the water that came up to his belly button he put a bit of foam on his cute button nose. 

“I’m getting you new clothes. Make sure not to drown,” Nagase ordered, and Kazu tilted his head.

“Careful to sit straight,” he promised and grabbed the boat. Nagase sighed and hurried down the hall to the bedroom. 

“Hey Satoshi, we are back,” he greeted the boy who was looking up from his remote control.

“Welcome back!”

“Kazu is in the bath, so I need to be quick. You can choose what we will do this evening, okay?”

“Yup!” Satoshi replied and packed his things away when Nagase left to look for a game he wanted to play. He frowned when he decided on one of the more complicated ones, but as long as Nagase was with them, it would be fine. Nagase was good at helping Kazu without the boy getting upset, Satoshi remembered and went downstairs to get the game ready.


	7. Chapter 7

“If the sun holds up we can go to the beach today,” Nagase explained that morning and helped Kazu to get a second serving of cereals. “We’ll drive back in the evening then.”

“Drive back?” Kazu asked curiously and looked up from his spoon. Nagase smiled and nodded slowly.

“Yes, today is the last day of our vacation, Kazu. We have to go back home.”

A pout came upon Kazu’s face, and he shook his head while crossing his arms in front of his chest. “I don’t wanna. I wanna stay here,” he decided, but again Nagase shook his head softly.

“We can’t Kazu. We don’t live here. Another family is coming up that wants to stay here and relax at the beach just like we did.”

“I don’t like it,” the small boy decided prompting a chuckle from Satoshi. Kazu looked up, and his lower lip was shivering when he saw that Satoshi seemed to be laughing at him. He didn’t like to be laughed at. 

“It’s awful when holidays are over ne?” Satoshi asked, and Kazu nodded. He had so much fun here. He had fun back home also. But this was different. At home, they couldn’t all stay outside together for the whole day. Tomo had to go to work and Satoshi had school and Kazu had to go to kindergarten. He liked staying just with them.

“But that makes them special. And we can come back again, ne dad?” 

“Of course. Next time there is a vacation we can spend a few days here or at any other place you’d like. And we will definitely come back next summer,” he promised. Kazu looked from one to the other not really sure what he should say, but he nodded after a few moments. 

“Promise?” he asked with a small voice. 

“Promise. SO how about we eat up and look around for our things, so we have everything packed and head for the beach?” Nagase asked, and finally, Kazu nodded. He still didn’t like that this holiday was going to end, but he understood that it was nothing he could change regardless of how much he whined or pouted.

—

Satoshi led Kazu back to their room after they finished breakfast and pulled out their suitcase. “Let’s pack ne?”

“Aren’t you unhappy?” Kazu asked him after he had sat down on his bed. He didn’t want to back and he really really didn’t want to leave.

“Of course I am,” Satoshi said and sat beside him. He hugged him close and smiled when the small body automatically melted into his. He loved how pliant the boy was when it came to them. Other people, he normally held at a distance and was shy around them. “But we can’t stay here forever. We would get used to it. And then it’s just as we do every day,” he explained. Kazu blinked at him in confusion and Satoshi groaned. He was terrible at teaching.

“I don’t understand.”

“You like it here because we can play around on the beach each day, right?”

“Yes. And because you and Tomo are there the whole day.”

“Mhm… But that’s what I meant. If we stayed here forever, that would change. I would have to go to school here and dad to work and you still would have to go to kindergarten. And you like kindergarten don’t you?” Satoshi asked worriedly. He always had thought Kazu did, but what if he didn’t?

“The teachers are nice, and I have fun playing with my classmates,” Kazu said while nodding with bright eyes. He really liked his friends there and played in the courtyard at all time. 

“So won’t you miss them?” Kazu shrugged and cuddled up even closer. 

“I like having you and Tomo at my side all the time more,” he confessed. Satoshi giggled and kissed his cheek softly.

“Me too. But we have things we have to do. That makes these times more special. So, you really should stop pouting and give me all of your things so that we can put them in the suitcase. Otherwise, it will be too late to go to the beach.”

“Will you play ball with me again?” 

“Of course. But only if you help me.” Kazu’s face brightened to a grin, and he nodded as he jumped from the bed to get his things from the cupboard and handing them to Satoshi so that he could put them away. Since Satoshi needed longer to put everything into the suitcase tidier than Kazu would manage, Kazu pulled out Satoshi’s things again. He even crouched under the beds to see if there was anything still there from them. But other than dust he came up empty-handed. 

“Here your doggie and your bear. You want to put them into the suitcase or in the backpack?”

“Backpack. They are scared in the suitcase,” Kazu huffed. How could Satoshi not know this? They needed air and light. Otherwise, it would be wrong. He took the toys and hugged them close before carefully putting them in the backpack making sure they were comfortable. Satoshi grinned in amusement and put Kazu’s cap on his head before bopping his small cute nose. 

“Ready to go?”

“Yup!” Kazu put on the backpack and followed Satoshi outside of their room and down to the entryway where Nagase was already waiting for them. Nagase smiled and ruffled Satoshi’s hair before putting the suitcases in the back of the car. 

Afterwards, they headed to the beach where Satoshi played with Kazu just as he had promised.

—

“We should have dinner before heading for the car,” Nagase mumbled when he realised that it was getting late. He picked Kazu up when he realised that he was swaying and brought them to a fast food restaurant to have dinner. Kazu#s eyes were already droopy by the end of the meal, and he made sure to have him buckled in safely when they were in the car.

“Everything alright?” he asked when he was ready. He put a soft blanket over Kazu and gave him his doggie. 

“It’s alright,” he mumbled sleepily, and Nagase had to smile softly. A sleepy Kazu was a very cute Kazu.

“I’m fine as well,” Satoshi said, and Nagase checked him over before reaching for the bag with refreshments and an audiobook for Satoshi before heading to the front and bringing them all back home. 

It had been a lovely holiday and Nagase wanted to make sure that they would experience many more together from now on. Especially after he had realised that Kazu never had one before this week.


	8. Extra: Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I'm too lazy to create a completely new work just for this chapter. I'm also sorry that it's not the fluffy continuation of vacation you might have looked forward to (if anyone reads this XD)

A loud yell was heard throughout the silent apartment, and Nagase was awake in an instant. He jumped out of bed without a second thought about what had happened. He left his room when the shouting continued and found himself in front of Kazu’s room. He let out a deep breath to calm his racing heart and sent a small hopefully calming sigh when he heard the door of the second room open and SAtoshi peeking out with a worried face.

“Try to go back to sleep it’s fine”, he whispered, and Satoshi nodded in agreement. He looked a bit shaky though. Nagase bent down and ruffled his hair. “Go to my room,” he offered. He would come there with Kazu as soon as the small boy calmed down. The smile was a bit more honest now, and Nagase watched him running over the cold tiles to get to his bed as fast as possible. Knowing that Satoshi was okay Nagase opened the door finally and went inside the room of his smallest son. 

Kazu’s shouts were reduced to small whimperings and cries, and Nagase moved through the slightly messy room to hug the boy. He had to hold on tight when Kazu’s body wriggled around in his arms to get away, shielding his face from any incoming blows even in his deep sleep. Nagase felt his heart break a little at the distress the small body was showing. He only knew a bit of what Kazu had gone through, he knew. Kazu still didn’t want to talk about what he had experienced under his father’s hands. And it wasn’t only that. There was a lot that Kazu didn’t remember or know why it had been wrong. The psychiatrist had explained everything to him after a few visits there. It wasn’t anything new for Nagase. He worked with deeply messed up and traumatised children after all. But he had been lucky enough to have never seen that much in such a small child as Kazu was.

Nagase pressed his face into Kazu’s hair as he held him as tightly as he could without hurting Kazu. He swayed him in his arms and hummed slightly. He wished he could just snap his fingers and make everything right again. Sadly, he couldn’t. But that didn’t matter right now. Right now all that mattered was to make Kazu feel save again and hopefully wake him up without too much of a scare.

“Shh… You are safe. I’m here, I have you. Nothing is going to happen,” he said in a soft but clear voice while moving him from side to side. Kazu whimpered softly, but it got less with the time, and Nagase heaved a sigh of relief when he felt Kazu’s form in his arms going rigid for a moment before he almost melted into his arms to hide his face more comfortably into his shoulder. Warm tears soaked through his shirt and Nagase continued to move him in his arms and caressed his back to calm him down. Nagase softly massaged the back of his neck, and he felt Kazu relaxing in his arms. 

“Tomo,” Kazu mumbled almost inaudibly, and Nagase smiled. 

“Yup, it’s me. I got you,” he promised, and Kazu nodded a bit. 

“No bad men who wanna hit Kazu for being bad?”

“Only me and Satoshi. Nobody is going to hurt you. I promise,” he said and caressed his cheek when Kazu finally looked up from his hiding place. He blinked up at him with wide eyes, tears still clinging to his eyes. Nagase softly wiped the tears away and kissed his forehead. 

“Come on let’s get you cleaned up and then we’ll cuddle in my big bed. Satoshi is already there. He said he was lonely tonight,” Nagase explained gently. He didn’t want to tell Kazu that he woke his big brother up. He knew that Kazu always felt sorry if he made any problems. “Sounds good?”

Kazu nodded shyly, and his thumb wandered into his mouth. Usually, Nagase would remind him that he was too old for that but for nights like this it was okay. Kazu made a grab for his doggie and Nagase carried him to the bathroom. The sodden clothes were fast put into the washing Kazu cleaned up before he was put into a big wide shirt with a penguin on it. Nagase knew it was designed for girls but Kazu had liked it, so who was he to say no? Kazu rubbed his face with a towel and Nagase smiled softly when there was a small lift of his lips on Kazu’s face. He definitely felt better in new clothes and clean. He lifted his hands to be picked up, and Nagase complied readily to bring him to bed. 

“I wanna cuddle,” Satoshi mumbled when the bed dipped, and Kazu robbed over to the bigger boy to be pulled into a hug. Nagase climbed to the bed beside them and pulled the blanket over them so that it was all warm and comfortable. 

“Cuddling is good,” he agreed and smiled when both of the children came closer to be hugged by Nagase. He kissed both of them on the hair. “Good night.”

“Nighty-night, me likes cuddles,” Kazu mumbled sleepily drawing out a giggle from Satoshi. Nagase watched the boys falling to sleep and closed his eyes tiredly. They still had a long way to go, he thought. The holiday had been so good that they almost had forgotten about the nightmares Kazu went through.


	9. My lantern and me

“What’s that?” Kazu asked as soon as Ohno entered their flat and put down the lantern he had brought from school. He tilted his head to one side curiously and looked at Ohno with wide eyes. 

“It’s a lantern. We made them in school. And hello to you as well,” Satoshi answered with evident amusement in his voice. 

Kazu jumped up from his spot in the entry where he tended to wait for Satoshi when it was time for the older boy to come home. He hugged Satoshi and grinned brightly. “Welcome back!” 

Ohno chuckled and lifted the smaller boy up to step further into the room. “I brought a guest. And it’s not polite to have him stand outside because we are blocking the door,” he explained, and Kazu put his arms around Satoshi’s neck to peak over his shoulder at the stranger. 

“Sho-kun,” he nodded when he realised that it was Satoshi’s friend and relaxed in his arms again. He was always a bit scared of strangers, and it hadn’t gotten better yet. Satoshi didn’t know what would happen when Tomoya brought a new kid home with him. 

“Hello, Kazu-kun. How was daycare?” 

“It was fun! I learnt a new rhyme,” he explained and sang it for the boy who looked the right amount if impressed to make him proud. 

“Wow very good,” Sho praised and ruffled Kazu’s hair which hid his face embarrassed at Ohno’s shoulder. 

“And what’s that?” Kazu asked as Sho put a lantern down beside Satoshis. His wasn’t as good as the one of his friend, but he thought that you would at least recognise it was a lantern. 

“A lantern Kazu. We all did one in class…”

“It’s a hedgehog. You like hedgehogs don’t you?” Satoshi asked the boy in his arms who nodded. 

“Toshi’s is better!” he declared and jumped from Satoshi’s arm running away while giggling loudly when Sho made to chase him playfully.

“Uff!” Kazu ran straight into the legs of Nagase who caught him before he could fall down. 

“What are you up to?”

“Satoshi and Sho-kun are here. They brought lanterns,” Kazu explained and grinned brightly. 

“Oh, yeah that was today,” Nagase hummed and put Kazu to his side so that the boy could put his legs around his hips and he could comfortably hold him up with an arm. 

“What is today?”

“Saint Martin’s march,” Satoshi explained while Sho greeted Nagase with a smile. 

“What’s that?”

“In school, they make lanterns, and then they walk around the city after it’s dark with the whole school singing songs. You’ll see it this evening because we will watch them.”

“Why?”

“Because it is fun. And it’s to bring light into the world and hearts of the people,” Nagase explained. 

“Can Kazu bring light as well?” the boy asked excitedly, and Nagase laughed out loud. 

“Yes, I bought you one the other day. So that you will match it’s also a hedgehog.”

“Do you know the story of Saint Martin, Kazu?” Sho asked. 

Kazu shook his head and looked at him curiously.

Sho smiled and pointed at the sofa. “How about I tell you? We can sit there, and Nagase-san can finish lunch,” he offered as he already knew that it was easier for the older to cook when Kazu wasn’t around him. It wasn’t as if Kazu needed his full attention, but Kazu liked to help, and that usually slowed him down. 

“I think I have a book with the stories,” Nagase greed and put Kazu down again. “I will get it, and you can get comfortable. 

“Yup!” Kazu grinned brightly and ran over to the sofa to climb up to it and hug his stuffed toys close. 

Ohno chuckled and followed him together with Sho. Sho took the book from Nagase so that Kazu could look at the pictures as he told him the story of Saint Martin and the things he did. 

Kazu listened to him in silent wonder and looked at the pictures of the book. He liked listening to stories after all. 

Sho had just finished the story with the tramp when Nagase called them for lunch, and Sho shut the book. “Just at the right time ne, Kazu?” he asked. 

Kazu nodded and followed them to the kitchen to climb onto his chair. “Saint Martin was a nice man right?”

“Yup. He helped others after all ne?”

Kazu nodded and smiled happily at the thought of someone so nice to give clothes to a poor man. 

“You will meet him today,” Satoshi said, and Kazu looked at him with wide eyes. 

“What? But isn’t he dead?”

“He is a Saint,” Satoshi explained with a chuckle. 

Kazu frowned a bit and looked at Nagase in clear need of help. 

“Saints are said to be able to come back on Earth,” Nagase explained and shrugged. “And today there will be Saint Martin accompanying the kids on their way through the streets on top of a horse. We’ll all meet at the marketplace where today there will be a warm fire, and they will show how he shared his coat with the tramp. We will also sing a song that tells everybody what happened all those years ago.”

“Kazu can’t sing.”

“Kazu can sing quite wonderfully,” Nagase said and ruffled his hair. “But today we can only listen. And then we will visit a few houses in the neighbourhood with our lanterns and sing there. We might get some sweets as a present for you.”

“But…”

“You can just move your lips, ne Kazu? It’s fine, and perhaps you can remember the songs you hear when you watch us,” Satoshi said softly and looked at him. 

“I will share all my sweets with Kazu. So don’t worry. And you are smart, so you definitely will remember the songs after you have listened to the songs we sing on the march.”

“Okay, I will try,” Kazu promised and finally began to eat. 

—

While Kazu slept in his room, the older boys were doing their homework, and Satoshi was the one who fetched Kazu from his office when he woke up. He smiled and helped Kazu into new warmer clothes. 

“Do you want to practise the songs?” he asked his little brother. 

“Can we?”

“Yup. We found the songs we learnt so that we can listen to them.”

“Yes, please!”

Ohno smiled and brought Kazu to the living room where Sho was making space on the table for them. They had searched the internet for some of the songs that were easy to remember so that Kazu didn’t have to worry too much. 

The next hours until the early evening was spent with singing and Kazu trying to memorise all the songs and was a little proud when he remembered at least three of them. 

“See I told you, you were smart,” Ohno explained and tickled Kazu to make him laugh. “But now we should stop and wear warmer clothes so that we won’t freeze outside,” he added. 

“Okay. You help me?”

“I will help you. Satoshi and Sho have to get ready themselves, okay, little one?”

“Okay, Tomo,” Kazu agreed after some time.

Nagase led him to his room to put some warm clothes on the boy. Then he helped him into his coat and shoes before giving him the small lantern. 

“Be careful not to hit anybody accidentally, okay?”

“Okay,” he said and grinned proudly as he switched the light on and off. It was pretty he thought.

Satoshi tugged softly at his hat and smiled when Nino looked up curiously. “Ready to go?”

“Yup, I was waiting for you. Look, I got a baby hedgehog!” he explained excitedly and waved his lantern from one side to the other giggling because it moved funnily. 

Satoshi smiled and nodded. It was clear that Kazu’s lantern was smaller than theirs, but that was only normal. Kazu was smaller than them as well after all. 

“Then we have to look after it right?”

“Yup. We have a family right?”

“Yes, you are right,” Satoshi chuckled and opened the door when he realised that they were all ready. 

Kazu held his hand when they left the house and hummed under his breathe the songs they had learnt earlier. 

Satoshi grinned and made sure that Kazu wouldn’t get lost as they wandered to his school. There Tomoya held Kazu’s hand and smiled down at him. 

“Let’s look for a good space to stand and wait for the march okay?”

“Hum,” Kazu agreed and swang their arms back and forth. They found a space close to the fire so that Kazu wouldn’t have to walk far after they saw the march. 

Nagase took the lantern to hand over a thermos flask filled with hot chocolate so that he won’t get cold. While they waited. He played little games with the boy until they could hear the music playing. Kazu got excited and clapped his hands while before stretching it to get the lantern back. He waved it in front of him when the man on the horse approached and looked at the beautiful red coat with wide eyes. 

“That’s Satoshi’s class,” Nagase reminded him suddenly, and Kazu looked curiously at them until he could recognise Sho and Satoshi. He waved happily and called out for them until Satoshi looked up and waved back. 

Kazu giggled happily and continued to sing as Nagase put him on his shoulders to follow the group to the market where the big fire was set. 

“Can you see everything?” he asked when they were there. Usually, the smaller children were allowed in the front, but Nagase knew that Kazu would most probably get into a panic attack if he were left alone in between hundreds of people he didn’t know. 

“Yup, Kazu is really big now!” he cried out happily. 

“That’s good.”

Kazu sang with the others the song of Saint Martin while watching the small play in front of them. He clapped with the rest of the people while Nagase was careful to hold him tightly. 

“Satoshi is coming with Sho,” he said when he saw the older boys approaching them with bags in their hands. 

“Ah good. Careful, I’ll take you down,” Nagase warned and lifted him up so that he could put him down again. 

“I sang with you!” Kazu said in greeting and hugged Satoshi and Sho after a moment of hesitation. “Could you hear me?”

“Yup, clearly. You were great,” Satoshi smiled and made sure that Kazu’s hat won’t fall off. 

“What is in those bags?” Kazu asked curiously and tried to peer inside. Satoshi opened it so that Kazu could look inside and smiled. 

“It’s from school. We got some sweets, pencils, fruit and Martin’s pretzel. We can share ne?”

Kazu nodded and smiled. “May I have the head?”

“Right now?”

“Yup me is hungry.”

“Okay.”

Kazu grinned happily and tore off the head of the soft pastry to put into his mouth and munch it happily. 

Nagase took the bags from the boys finally so that they could go with their lanterns from house to house to sing their song and get their sweets. It was late when they arrived home, and while Nagase helped Kazu getting ready for bed, Satoshi and Sho prepared a futon for Sho to go to sleep as well. 

“Did you have fun today, Kazu?”

“Yes, it was fun,” he mumbled and kissed Nagase’s cheek. “Thank you, Tomo.”

“You are welcome. Good night, little one.”

“Good night.”

Nagase smiled and put off the light after making sure that the small night lamp was on and went to look after the other two who were already lying in bed and whispering to each other. 

“Don’t be awake for too long ne? Good night.”

“Good night,” they echoed and went back to whispering about something school related. Nagase chuckled and closed the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It’s a German tradition to have St. Martin’s bonfires on the time around the 11th of November. If you search it you might see videos of it. I put one of the English version of the St. Martin’s song and one of the bonfire here for reference if you are interested.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0tck0QCLOM the bonfire  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfYwx8XAo84 the song


End file.
